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I was only 8. He came into my room every night. I feel he set the precedent for all the others.  Sometimes I hate myself for never remembering to lock my door.

I was only 8. He came into my room every night. I feel he set the precedent for all the others. Sometimes I hate myself for never remembering to lock my door.

 
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Category: Secrets

 
you were eight, just a baby really and someone hurt you. its not your fault! i always felt guilty because i didn't tell anyone.....children don't have enough life experience to make the best decisions.....and that's okay! but now you have a choice to be a different person AS AN ADULT.....don't get caught up in self destructive behavior!
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It wasn't your responsibility to remember to lock the door. None of it was your fault. None of it.
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Don't blame yourself! He was the adult and knew what he was doing was wrong!
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Maybe your mom set the precedent for all the others...
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I never thought to lock the door, probably since locked doors were not allowed. I was happy at the time for some sort of attention, I was nobody's child, nobody's priority. I see how it has affected me now, but I wasn't upset by what was happening at that time, UNTIL my guardian walked in on it happening and I was the one that got in trouble. "What are you doing to my son!" she said when I was 7 and he was 15. From her point of view, even though my face was stuffed in the carpet, it was all my fault. I think it's the inability to trust that hurts me more today, than the sex parts ever did. How has the molestation affected your life to this point in relationships? I have a hard time seperating the actions, and no one in therapy ever believed me.
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I'm the OP... I understand that none of what happened was my fault, I never questioned that. But I just can't get passed the "what if's" when I think about the lock on my door. Every morning I'd tell myself "I'll just lock my door tonight, and it won't happen again" but, I'd forget and it would. It's affected me a lot... I got into random sexual relationships, lots and lots of alcohol, and developed an all too trusting nature. I did a lot of work (not professionally, but actually through my own research) to get over most of my issues, but the flashbacks and regrets still get to me. =/ Thank you all for what you have said.
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:/ Hmmmmm...
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^Boy you really are all fir and teeth aren't you?
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2^ He's a conifer with teeth? WTF?
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My first cousin went through this same ordeal except it started when she was younger than five. It lasted until she was in highschool. It really messed her up but no one kknew what was wrong until her father died. Then she told everything.
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^I smell the distinct aroma of BS wafting through the air!
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