I'm in the exact same boat. He keeps telling me he's going to diet and work out. Been hearing that same story for 15 years now. He asks why we don't have sex more, but I can't tell him the truth. He would be so hurt.
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^and? Is he going to leave you because he is fat? Whats the worst that can happen?
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This is an age old story. I have the same problem as do 90% of the couples out there. You need to make the decision, either you love them enough to forget the weight issue or you leave. It's that simple. You will never change them. I married a woman who was 120 pounds and 5'6", a model type, absolutely beautiful. Over 20 years she gained 40 or 50 pounds. I never thought she would allow herself to do that, I thought she had too much pride. Turns out she was happy to "not have to worry about it anymore" so sad, too bad. I love her too much to leave. It's a function of age as well and life and society. Forget it!
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You need to talk to her about it. I'm sure she is aware she is gaining weight but she may be in denial about it. It shouldn't be about your attraction to her, it should be about her overall health. Try to set a good example by eating (and cooking) healthy foods and exercising. Invite her out for a walk or doing something active together. If you really love her you will try to help her instead of dumping her because you aren't attracted to her any more.
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I love you but your insecurity and shallowness is killing my attraction to you. I don't want to lose you... but I will if you continue to expect my body to boost your ego... and I will will find someone less shallow and insecure.
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^amen
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Workout after marriage? Why keep running after you've caught the bus?
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^lol I get this post but I am the one who gained 80lbs. I say I am going to lose weight all the time and Just never happens. I have gotten to the point were I stopped saying it already. I do my best and haven't gained anymore weight but have lost a few gained it back sorta. I am feeling stuck at this weight but I never ever stop doing my best to eat right and get exercise somedays are better than others. The thing is my husband sees this and he loves me for me not what I look like. Big girls have great sex if YOU can get past your mindtrip about the fat you just might enjoy the sex. BUT I do understand not being attracted to someone also. Usually we are attracted to their confidence so if your large husbands or wives are lacking this you will feel less attracted to them. My husband tells me to be confident and shows me how beautiful I really am, which keeps me wanting to do better. Maybe thats what you need to do for your spouses instead of condeming them or being critical because you have a problem with them. Good Luck with this on both ends...Love conquers all.
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Just leave them. My girlfriend has gained weight and even says it herself constantly. I agree with her once and bam!!! Huge fight. Wasn't like I said your a fat b****. I simply agreed that she has put on a few pounds after she said it. Now if I said "no you look great" she would feel justified in putting on another 10 - 20 lbs.
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Like Ophra says.... If you look in the mirror and cant stand looking at your own body, what makes you think anyone else can!!!
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I can't believe the guy who said just leave them LOl. The problem is Men get into a relationship hoping the woman will never change and women hope men will change....Women Always change and often...men stay the same: horny, simple minded. If you leave this person who otherwise is great...right?.....Then you might miss out when they lose weight again. Like I said women change often.
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I think what Oprah was saying is that if you don't Love yourself who will. meaning if I don't mind what I see in the mirror and think I am one hot big bidied woman then someone will see that too. not everyone of course as we cannot please everyone so please your self andsomeone will be happy you did :D
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^2 up. I was the one who said it. If they don't find their spouse attractive and its a big deal then they have no choice because they won't change. I still love my girlfriend and even though she put on weight I am still very happy and in love. It doesn't bother me much so I will stay with her. In fact we just got engaged a month ago. This person says its a huge problem so they should just leave :)
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there's no reason to post this. she already knows you're the type of person who would say this to the world. she already knows this. don't be so closed minded that she leaves you, drops the weight after you stop depressing her and finds someone who truly loves her. your post is so harsh and strange that it almost seems like a hoax.
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^I doubt it's a hoax actually. Just another mixed up person in their dealings with another mixed up person. Other than children, people don't just gain weight. There's a pathology behind it, emotional or otherwise, and being her partner, you are partly responsible for it.
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What do you want? A person who you can trust and love and have fun with or someone that you can show off like their good looks show how make you look better as well. First of all EVERYONE changes with age and children. If you can't handle a little weight gain how are you going to handle crows feet? balding? scars? aging, grey hair? No teeth? Get real! Do you want a plastic doll or a REAL PERSON?
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Ask me how I lost 190 pounds of ugly fat.
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If you were attracted to big girls and then after you were together a while, she lost a ton of weight and you were no longer attracted to her, then I guess you are supposed to make yourself be attracted. It doesn't work like that. I love my man and that's why I'm still with him. But he has gained so much weight, I am not attracted to him any more. I weigh the same as I did 17 years ago when we started dating. And crows feet, etc are things mostly beyond a person's control...being fat is mostly not.
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I'll bite - How did you lose 190 pounds of ugly fat????
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shit ill bite too?!?!
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Let me guess. You lost 190 pounds of ugly fat because you ditched your spouce. HA HA That's an old stupid joke.. You people can't see that one coming? As to the person who can't take her man's weight gain.. GROW UP
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I could never ever be with a fat person so I'd start packing.
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No I watched that Oprah show and she was talking about getting in shape and losing weight.. She said she would look in the mirror at her fat thighs and say that to motive herself
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Actually as a BBW I would be hurt if my husband of 21 years stopped loving me based on my weight. I guess I am a lucky woman he loves me for what I am from the heart . He isn't shallow . And the person above that says fat women are Good in bed .Hell yeah we are !!!!
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I would expect this post from a man, but a woman? Please b*tch, just let him go. You can find a man just as shallow as you anywhere, and let him find someone to make him happy too. I sure hope you are perfect.
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I know that you lose 10 pounds of ugly fat by cutting your head off, but not 190 pounds.
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when I turned on my t-v....I saw Oprah....I changed the station!
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It's shallow to want to be attracted to your partner?? So I guess if you perfect folks weren't attracted to them anymore, a sexless relationship would be just super for you?? You guys are such liars!
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^sex is not the only component to a relationship. lets say he was in great shape and got hit by a bus on the way to the gym and became a paralyzed and couldn't "preform" anymore what would you do? if you trully loved that person you would stand by them, if you did not you would leave them. it is really that simple. your relationship was based on his looks and now you are unahppy, just admit that and move on. physical attraction is not something to base a partnership on. next time try to find a partner with some substance. that way when you grow old together and the sex stops you won't hate his guts and want to move on to the next man.
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^ Preform what? Jell-O?
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I just don't get it. If you love someone weight, hair, clothes, ect don't matter. The only time it matters is when you first get together, and even then it only matters that you have that attraction. I love my man, I love to see he enjoys my cooking, I lo9ve to cook for him, his belly shows that we are happy. Yes, we need to get out and get some exercise once it's warmer so we have more stamina and are healthier, but it doesn't change the fact that we are together and he is mine to have sex with whenever where-ever and that's what matters. The purpose is to have someone that you love. The purpose is to share life and make it good for each other in every way we can think of. Sure that could mean maintaining weight, but it could also mean being there when you need them the most. Give and take. I doubt some of you even have a basic understanding of what love is supposed to be. It involves acceptance. It is stronger than looks, it is comfort, security, and someone to play with at night! If you withhold sex you are the one who is bad at the relationship. Sex makes people happy, and less stressed, so it may cause them to eat less by default. Go screw your husbands and wives. NOW!
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^3UP You want this poster to find a partner with more substance? Sounds like the poster is the one that's shallow to me.
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^if she only was with him for looks and now realizes he does not have anything else to back it up then yes she should leave. and yes she is obviously very shallow, that is why she choose a man for looks, not for love!
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If I was only with him for looks, do you think I would still be with him for 17 years?? I didn't say that was all that there was to the relationship, but that is what the original secret was about. You guys read what you want to and skip the rest. I'm not shallow and if there was no love in my relationship, I would've left long ago.
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I love the comments about how "shallow" he is. Physical attraction is a part of life. If you put on a lot of weight, don't be surprised if people think that makes you less attractive. You can call them whatever you want, but that doesn't change the fact that people are attracted to attractive people.
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Most fat women are not attractive.. to white men with educations.
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MY GF's tummy is so big I can't penetrate her. Therefore, she gives me oral which is nice but I want party sex, I neeed to feel like a man.
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Amazing how some fat chicks almost look normal when you lay them on their backs. I guess all the fat just settles down the sides.
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Attractive is what the person thinks is atractive...so when you say people are attracted to attractive people...well yes they are and that doesn't mean what YOU think is attractive...get it?? I am a size 24 and VERy attractive though you may not be intrested doesn't make me NOT attractive. Okay lesson is over children...go play nice.
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Hey first comment. I am in the same situation as well. I have been with this guy for like 9 years. I just tell him I'm not horney because of my medication. This seems to work well. Every once in a while I'll get drunk enough to make sex tollerable.
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You say you don't want to lose this person, yet you are willing to leave them just because of their weight? You sound kinda childish. The reason I say this is because EVERYONE will eventually lose their appearance one way or another. Maybe this person has gained weight from depression. Maybe you're the cause of this depression. What do you look like? Why don't you put your love to the test and talk this person about how you feel.
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There's a genius in the room 11^
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if someone doesnt want me because im too fat, thin, tall, short, whatever.........fine.........dont let the door hit you in the ass, doors are expensive !!
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That's the excuse I use...it's due to my meds. I have to drink quite a lot to make that tolerable.
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^you sound like a CUNT, how can you love someone and say such mean things about them? i just hope one day you realize how superficial you are being :(
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hahahaha I hope one day you lighten up and grow a sense of humor.
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Hey one up. How come you stay with him if you have to drink to make sex tolerable? Is he rich or something? Do you cheat with guys who look good to you?
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Weight gain or not, that's still the same person you love. It pisses me off when people are so shallow like this. Weight can be lost, does anyone realize that? It shouldn't matter what they look like if you honestly love them. >:|
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It doesn't matter regarding the love, but it DOES matter for the sexual attraction. That is just how it is and cannot be overcome unless much alcohol is consumed.
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^ I feel sorry for you. You will grow old and alone. If you arn't alone you will be miserable, and you will make whom ever your with miserable. Think about it. Do you have any long term friends? I bet not. This is because you are a horrible person. Sleep well.
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hahaha feel sorry for me...that's a good one!
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I hope you get acid spilt all over your smug face, then you will be too ugly for anyone to f**!
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^Wow, what a terrible thing to write on here. What is the matter with you????
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somebody has anger management issues obviously. Too Funny! You might want to look in the mirror instead of feeling sorry for me. Oh, and also you might want to realize what site you're on douchbag.
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^i don't feel sorry for you, if your not giving him sex he will find it elsewhere and you will be left a lonely divorced woman in her late forties....good luck with that! what's that sound?! oh that's me laughing at how pathetic you are :)
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^I'm glad I can provide some entertainment in your lonely sad life. This site is here for entertainment, in case I can't be here for you.
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If you are not the one that typed the words "I feel sorry for you" then hello...you aren't the one the comment was for! Can you read? OMG some people are so stupid!
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5^ Don't you think people should have some compassion?
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"Most fat women are not attractive.. to white men with educations." <------- whoever said that is dumb. I am white and have a masters degree. I am fit and in great shape go to the gym several days a week... and I LOVE big women!!! The bigger the better!!
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