My life like many other things is not what it looks like.

I think you're very sexy, so I try to give you mints and gum, so that I might be able to kiss you without gagging.

When I was a kid, I believed everything had feelings, I wouldn't even kick a rock. I once hurt myself trying to rescue one of those flashing construction horses

My friends and family think I'm a "Ladies Man". It would surprise them to know...I haven't had sex in 3 years.

The more I love you, the more it will hurt when you die.