My wife doesn’t know but I smoke weed almost everyday. One time it stunk so bad my wife thought there was a dead mouse in the house.

I haven't done a thing in a month. I wish my boss would figure it out already and save me the stress!

I'm a workaholic because if I go home, I might become an acoholic

I wish your kids were mine. I feel for them everytime the police pull up.

I voted for the Iraq war but can't admit I want to take it back.