i'm so sorry mamma! maybe he finds it upsetting to relive the pain so he acts like it doesnt bother him. men are very different creatures than woman and many times pull away emotionally when something tragic happens because they were never taught how to express themselves. i'm sorry how he acts upsets you, but i wouldn't take it so personally. he may just be grieving in silence.
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Men hide their pain. He doesn't want to relive it, because it is unbearable to him.
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It's been 6 years. It's time to let it go. You'll never forget him, but you need to quit wallowing in your pain. It's not healthy for you or your relationship
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Men do grieve different.... I am sure he is hurting very bad in his own way. I am sorry for your loss
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Loss is terrible, and raw. I'm sorry for your pain. Don't judge him too harshly, he is probably dealing with it the only way he knows how.
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do you want to live with your husband and the rest of the world, or are you just going to die with your son. i feel for your loss, and it's good to remember, just don't die (in your mind or body) until it's your time.
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Everyone deals with death and greif in his or her own way. Ill bet he is hurting inside more than you can imagine.
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All of these above are smart answers. Heed good advice that we men bury our sorrow. By not talking about it we do all that we can to forget the experiences so as to avoid the pain the memories bring. He may be also downplaying it to encourage you to move on. I know it was your baby and I am sorry. But 6 years of mourning is not normal, nor is it healthy. You need to seek counceling before you screw up your marriage with resentment
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Nothing can take away the loss of a child, you have to learn to live with it day after day, you can't change it, its ok to mourn but you have to move on, its ok to celebrate his life, but you can't expect everyone to act the way you do. Your son wouldn't want you to be this unhappy. I suggest you seek grief counseling, maybe talk with other parents who have lost a child. My heart goes out to you, but hating your husband for not acting the way you want him to is uncalled for. Your going to grief this loss forever, its just how you handle it is what matters. God bless you, you have been through a traumic experience that is not wishes upon anyone. Your slowly destroying yourself and your marriage. Seek help.
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I'm surprised that this posting has so far yielded very good advice. Men do deal with emotions very differently than women. Don't hate him for it. I'm very sorry for your loss, but you do need to find a way to move on.
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Let it rest.
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It's so nice to see people on here who know the right things to say to be supportive to the op. Sorry they had to deal with such pain. Except the two posts above me, the don't make sense, just sounds like someone trying to start trouble.
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No parent should ever have to live through thier child's death. It's just not fair. I am so sorry for your loss. Forgive dad.
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I hope to God I die before my child... I've dealt with enough BS in this life.
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8 up^^ You said it the best!!
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i am sorry for your loss. try to keep the good memories up front.
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5^they were obviously commenting on a comment that had been removed.....
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Men do deal with pain differently . Maybe he is hurting more then you are aware of . Often times men turn away from their spouse in times of hurt because they are afraid to show signs of weakness. I am so sorry for your loss . I know the pain must be hell :(
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In all of the older mainstream religions, there is a dictated mourning process. This doesn't tell you when or how to feel- but it prescribes timelines for overt mourning. There is an acceptable time period for not listening to music, for not working, etc. The stage you are in is where you should be having one overt act of remembrance per year- releasing the birthday balloons is perfect. Your life is your own, but millenia of thinking on the grieving process suggest that you continue with this annual tradition and attempt, as best you can, not to dwell for the rest of the year. Because this was your child, the annual ceremony does not have an expiration date.
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You have opposing ways in dealing with grief
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I lost a child and I know exactly what you mean. you don't want him to feel like you do you just want to know that it still matters to him. You want to know that he hasn't forgotten. He is a DICK!!
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you are gilt tripping yourself into believing that a bunch of cheap baloons actualy mean you care and therefore if hubby doesn't want to join you in your little play he doesn't care. Get over yourself. Its not about your dead kid anymore. its about you.
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I don't think it's a case of your husband not caring. He just may be feeling too much pain over it and just doesn't want to face it. People deal with pain in many different ways.
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