I have two boys also. I tried to OD while i was pregnant with my youngest. After he was born i realized that if i had Over Dosed my oldest would grow up without me and i don't want that. You mean the world to those boys as they do you to. Don't leave them alone to grow up by themselves.
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If you hated your life you should of never had kids...now with they hate you have for life you need to turn that into love only for them. You need to live your life with them to find your happiness and a reason to live.
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I have been there and felt the same way. I abandoned my son for drinking and partying, and for a man that I fell in love with. It took 10 years, he is 19 years old now, and I have never gotten over the guilt. Kids grow up fast. If you are depressed, tell you husband or family about how you feel. There is NO SHAME for how you feel. Talk to someone, and you will be surprised at the support you get. Good luck
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