I know it is less painful to believe that but it is simply not true. They could have done much better but they, like all alcoholics were self absorbed, lazy, escape artists who chose alcohol and escaping over their own kids and lives. I speak from having family members who are sober and guess what? Those tendencies to be selfish and escape are still there. Alcohol is not what made your parents broken. They weren't victims to it. The thing is realizing this, accepting that they didn't try hard enough and forgiving it anyway. Saying "nope they didn't try but I will try harder than they did and face more pain than they did and I will forgive them so that I don't have to escape and pretend". It's painful to go through this but everyone is better off when we face reality and accept it IS what it IS. Pretending these people did the best they could helps nothing.
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^Maybe they did try, and maybe they did do the best they could? Are you perfect? You are certainly condescending and judgmental!
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The op said "...the best they could with WHO THEY WERE". (S)he wasn't absolving them of all blame. (S)he was saying that (S)he thinks they tried the best they could despite having problems and being weak.
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Whatever gets you to the light.
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^4 up. It is what it is? So everything is as it should be and questioning is not even allowed? Such a shallow view for someone with so much to say!
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Wow such views. My parents are alcoholics and I struggle with this too!
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My least favorite thing to hear is a parent saying they did their best when they knew better and took the easy road. My second least favorite is to hear a child excuse the the behavior because it sorely indicates how little respect they have been trained to accept from all areas of life.
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How many parents out there pop prescribed pills to deal with reality. Let's not forget those losers.
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People are flawed it's no secret. Some struggles are harder for some people. I get this guys post completly. I didn't have alcholic parents but I didn't have the cleavers either. I had a mother who was never there because she worked al the time and a drug addict father and I have learned to forgive them and understand what it was THEY went through. I am not excusing them for where they could have done better, just understand that they weren' horrible terrible people for dealing with life the way they did. Sometimes you have to put others before yourself. Meaning Think of how someone else feels instead of YOu/me meme all the time. EGO. Grudges are your own prison. Let them go quit clutching on to them. Forgivness is necessary in this Life. Good Luck
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i'm come to the same relization when it comes to my parents though the situation isn't the same. you can assume how you youself would handle a situation but untill you have actualy been there and had to walk through it you realy never know exactly how you will truly respond. noone ever handles every thing in life as they had wished and i'm sure that every one who is a parent wishes that they have handled many situations differently.
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for #2... nope. No one that chooses boose over their family is trying...they are escaping and selfishly numbing pain so that they don't have to deal with it. It's not about being perfect either, of course no one is perfect. An alcoholic likes to use that as an excuse as often as they can to continue choosing to be a drunk. Alcoholism is not a disease... it is a choice.
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^So, what pills do you take every day to cope?
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It sounds to me if you have matured into a caring and forgiving adult. Your childhood was probably difficult at times, and hopefully this has given you strength to do better for you own family. ~ May you be blessed.
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3^ It's a choice. One way to (not) deal with a problem.
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Im sorry you figured this out so late in life, i hope they are still around so you can let them know. I didnt get that lucky.
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That's exactally what happens at some point of your life. You realize that your parents tried their best and knowing how mine were raised I'd say they did much better than their parents. I am a better parent than they were and my kids will be better yet. Keep evolving!
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Like the choice you make to critisize and condemn and judge everyone else to make yourself feel better. You best look in the mirror because it sounds like you have way bigger issues.
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^ I concur.
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ME 2 ^
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I will never fogive my parents for being tne worthless, self centered ,child molesting, drunks they were.You don't have to either!
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That's the smartest thing I've heard in here about this subject yet. Kudo's to you for having your eyes opened.
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I admire the character of the OP. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain from your forgiveness of those who wronged you.
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Hey, I'm 43 also, and I also realize my parents did what they could. I guess forgiveness comes with age. I love being 43. I would not trade it for any other age.
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I hear you!
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