I hate the fact that I quit smoking pot now it is getting legalized!

I feel tremendous guilt when I masturbate because I know that it makes the baby Jesus cry.

I'm 30 years old and I'm finally getting my dream operation. I will no longer be a man. I feel so free.

If you lie to our daughter one more time I really don't know how I'll handle it. A little girl needs her mommy but I'm not so sure ours needs you.

when you spill your own coffee you get so mad i feel like it's my fault. i don't want to be afraid of you anymore. why can't you be mad about "normal" things?