at 30 everything you do is your fault.  Its ok to feel like you got a bad rap and maybe you did but pick yourself up and stop the self pity.  People have been through worse and made it.  Just do better for your kids.  
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  You need to let him know how u feel and not carry that aound. Then u need to start again and take it one day at a time. You are still young and capable of starting over.
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  Grow up, stop crying.
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  Everyone is dysfunctional! Find something you like, even a little bit, and go try it out. You're still young, don't worry about the past, and go make YOUR life happen the way you envision it!  It's hard I know!!!!! I wish you all the best! Home is where you plant your heart. Go do it.
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  Choose to get it together - You Know You Can!
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  OP Here, Thanks for the kindness guys.  You're making me feel like I will make it after all.
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  Good luck - leave the kid in the picture behind - and take control.  I agree with some of the other comments - if you need to seek closure - do so.  If not - move on.
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  Make something of yourself and stop making excuses.  I could have written about alcoholism and abandonment.  I have to make my own future.  Stop whinning.
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  you are who you are because of YOU. Not because of anyone else.
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