I told my wife I got fired. I couldn't tell her I make 4 times more than her now. She might cut my throat... or hers!

My wife thinks I love ketchup. I really don't. I just can't stand her food.

I'm really 8 years older than I say I am.

My worst secrets are the ones I keep from myself.

When your mother was pregnant I wanted to abort you. But, without you in my life, I think I would be dead.