When your mother was pregnant I wanted to abort you. But, without you in my life, I think I would be dead.

I'm not ready to have sex yet because I can't figure out how to tell you I have a penis.

Even though you're gone I still make coffee for you every morning and clean around the toilet every day.

The people that love me the most are dead.

My wife doesn’t know but I smoke weed almost everyday. One time it stunk so bad my wife thought there was a dead mouse in the house.