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Once I realized my wife married me for the family money I made sure that she would get almost none of it if I die first.
Rating:   355 Ups   38 Downs  
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I hang out with a fat chick just to make myself appear more attractive. It works every time. Im such a jealous b****.
Rating:   12 Ups   22 Downs  
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I like to pretend that I'm being interviewed by James Lipton about some cool movie that I wrote and directed. Of course I've never wrote or directed anything.
Rating:   11 Ups   10 Downs  
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my nipples get ultra hard when i go pee - i guess it's not really a secret when everyone can see them cutting thru my shirt when i come out of the bathroom.
Rating:   39 Ups   14 Downs  
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You molested me at 3 yrs old and continiued for 3 more years. You were my father's best friend. I enjoyed seeing you die in the hospital.
Rating:   668 Ups   63 Downs  
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