My wife made me stop smoking weed when she found out. I've come to realize I enjoy being high more than I enjoy being with her.

My room mate stinks so bad that at night if she is dead asleep i drench her with febreeze. she smells like sex and booze 24/7. it stinks up our room.

You cheated on me before our wedding and got herpes that you gave to me and our son. You don't think i know as soon as he turns 13 i'm telling him the truth

Sometimes I draw on the wall with a crayon and then I blame the baby.

Rape or forced sex is the only thing that turns me on now.