I have more conversations in my head than I do in the real world.

When I look through the Facebook page of girls, i instantly click one titled summer.

I run my own business with my wife. I wish I could fire her. She hinders way more than she helps. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

People who have trouble putting furniture from IKEA together, are stupid.

People at work think I drink smoothies to be healthy. I drink them because they hide the smell of rum on my breath.